Jesus thinks I’m funny

When I lived in London I didn’t do overly touristy things. I was more content just to soak up the city as a local, wandering aimlessly and discovering new haunts. Consequently I have never been to the Tower of London and I’ve never climbed the Monument… until today.

Daisy and I decided an afternoon at the Tate Modern might be in order (I haven’t been for about eight years and Dale hadn’t been for a while), so we jumped off at Monument and just happened to see it open.

Designed by Sir Christopher Wren, Monument sits on the site of St Margaret’s, the first church consumed by the Great Fire in 1666. It also has 311 steps, reminding me like a punch in the face how unfit I have become since running the marathon in May. Still, I’m going with the line that I climbed it in record time after we were given a certificate of completion on the way out. In the immortal words of Darryl Kerrigan: This is going straight to the pool room. LOL 🙂

London Bridge from the Monument

The Gherkin

St Pauls

At the top

From there it was some yummy food at the Borough Market, (chorizo and  rocket sanga – yumbo – and coffee) and onto the Tate.

I liked this cow until I saw the other side... it said "tender"

I liked this one much better.... Mmm, mmm, mmm!

At the Tate we saw an exhibition of a guy called Gerhard Richter called Panorama. It was very good. He is known for painting off photographs and then distorting them by sweeping over the canvas with a dry paint brush.

Some of his work (courtesy of Google):

Following dinner in Soho with Dale’s girlfriend Lisa we did a bit of bar hopping before catching the tube a bit closer to home. My germ-o-phobia has been well documented in this blog but the last couple of days it has been in overdrive, starting yesterday when I was forced to put money in my mouth! I was surrounded by a group of guys at Oslo train station when I was buying a ticket to the airport and got a little concerned I was going to get rolled.  I was worried about the contents of my handbag which were spewing out all over the place and so had to quickly stash my money between my teeth while I zipped up my bag – eewwww!! By the time I’d realised what I’d done it was too late.

My backpack is also so heavy I can’t get on and off a set of escalators without holding onto the handrail (something I NEVER do). I remember thinking as I was on the tube to Dale’s that the first thing I would do when I got in the door was wash my hands. Of course I forgot and hoed into the onion bhaji with my fingers before licking them. Yuck. Double yuck!

So anyway back to Dale and I on the tube. It went something like this:

Me: “Don’t touch the hand rail, you’ll get a venereal disease.”

Dale: (laughs) “What?!!! You really are a germ-o-phobe aren’t you!?” (then proceeds to touch every surface of the tube in reach before pretending to lick his hands, and push them towards my face. Then he scratches his eye.)

Me: “You realise you’ve just got chlamydia in your eye?”

Dale: Laughs

Then a dude in a Harley Davidson track suit standing next to us pipes up:

“I’m not sure if you two are religious but Jesus Christ just sent me a message and he thinks you’re really funny. Such a joyous sense of humour.”

Whaaaaa?! Dale and I cracked up. Does that mean I can put JC down as a reference on my CV? I think I need to make a t-shirt that says “Jesus thinks I’m funny.”

We finished the night at a bar called The Malt House where I scored a free Jägerbomb for solving this riddle:

Can you get it?

Very cool talentless star:  _ _ _ _ _  –  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _    _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


  1. DJ says:

    Actor – Sylvester Stallone … buts me thinks Steven Seagal would fit the bill better but thats not how the game works

Check out what others are saying about this post.
  1. […] How we met: Daisy and I went to university together. I’m a little hazy on our first liaison but I distinctly remember a first-year pub crawl he organised where I came home with a set of plastic golf clubs. There was the Ben Harper concert he dragged me to, which I can only assume was because I have diamonds on the inside. And an infamous occasion where we went to watch the tennis at Wimbledon and I mysteriously woke up with a tennis racquet and the Wimbledon Shop’s entire range of mens’ and womens’ towels.  During one of my more recent encounters with Daise, I was told Jesus thinks I’m funny. […]